Socially Awkward to self awareness

I always feel amazed and at the same time, feel jealous of how a person can be so open in talking with others for hours without any awkward or silent moment. Ever since i went out from my hometown to a stranger country that i never step on it before, in order to improve and make myself engage and know more people, I always observe people surround me; of they way the speak, the way the communicate with each other, the way they talk, the way they behave, and the way the engage in a conversation. However, whenever i talk with my friends or even new people that i know, i always have this awkward feeling and awkward moment with them.

Based on some article that i gathered, this type of person is categorized under Socially Awkward Person. This is due to Lack of Knowledge and Not Understanding Social Norms. This type of people often find difficulties in picking up some topic of conversation with others, what to talk about and when, or what is it suited a joke and what it is not. This will obviously will lead to either weird or shy behaviour.

i always feel amazed with Caucasians people, particularly in Australia (As it is the only country that i went other than States or Europe). They can easily break the ice and create an immediate conversation with you. Many of them, they will always greet you with, "Hi there, How are you today?" or "Hi, How's it going?". as simple as just that casual talk, it can create a topic within two individuals.

People do suggest me to start reading more books, particularly in Positive Attitude and Self Development books. However, beyond this basic principles, everything else can only be learn through experience. that's why for myself, i always try to mix with people who are socially savvy, and learn from them indirectly. Make new friends, meet new people, make new conversation, experiment. Apart from friendship, i believe there's always some positive thing to pick up from them, and developing your social confidence.

with this, Self-Awareness plays apart. They say the first step is to admitting you have a problem, and that is the truth in every aspects of life, as simple as that. Self-awareness is about understanding your own needs, desires, failings, habits, and everything else that makes you tick. The more you know about yourself, the better you are at adapting life changes that suit your needs.

Essentially, by paying more attention to your own emotions and how you work, the better you will understand why you do the things you do. The more you know about your own habits, the easier it is to improve on those habits.

It is always easier to create negative conversation with your friends in order to talk more and longer. However, you have the choice to join in with the negative around them, or you can change to topic to a positive one. For example; instead of gossiping about your fellow friends or colleagues, why not share with them about their Good side of them and create a meaningful conversations about the people. By creating positive talk with others, subconsciously, it will also encourage the people around you to do the same. 

And always remember, A good friends will not talk about their bad things behind their back.

Apart from gossip, we have to realized that we have our own problem as well. By sharing your own problem or your own happiness to the close one, you created one topic that people may aware and care more about you or even will join your happiness in the future, indirectly.

to conclude this, not many people have self-awareness in themselves, however, if you have open and trusting close friends with you, you can ask them for feedback about your personality, habits, needs, emotions, strength, weakness and values. Although they will not give you an accurate assessment, at least they play apart to build your own-self, and help you to be you. With this, by knowing your own values, who you are, and a vision of a person you want to become, you create self-development. And with this, you will motivate yourself more and manage your stress better, helps you with your intuitive decision making, and help you to lead and motivates others indirectly. Self-awareness is very useful.

IQ? EQ?

I was reading several article about the IQ and EQ and decided to re-post those article here.

Different between IQ and EQ?

IQ, also known as Intelligence Quotient, is a score or number derived from a standardized intelligence test. IQ scored are used as predictors of educational achievement, job performance, special needs, or even income. and 95% of the populations scores an IQ between 70 - 130.

EQ is a measure of a person's level of emotional intelligence. This refers to a person's ability to perceive, control, evaluate, and express emotions. Studies have shown that high EQ people have greater mental health, exemplary job performance, and more potent leadership skills.

As an individuals, our success and the success of the profession today depend on our ability to read other people's signals and react appropriately to them. Personally, i believe EQ is more important compared to IQ, although people with IQ is still recognized as an important element of success, particularly when it comes to academic achievement. "Your EQ is the level of your ability to understand other people, what motivates them and how to work cooperatively with them," says Howard Gardner, the influential Harvard theorist. Therefore, we must develop the mature Emotional Intelligence skills required to better understand, empathize and negotiate with other people - particularly as the economy has become more global.

i remember i did an IQ test back in my school day when i was around 15-16 years old. i can't exactly remember what is the score of my IQ test back then, but however, the scores predicted that i'm suitable for Civil Engineering.

However, i just did Emotional Intelligence Online Test, which presents a mix of self-report and situational questions related to various aspects of emotional intelligence. My results indicate an above average score on emotional intelligence. According to the result shown, people with a better than average score on Emotional Intelligence tend to be good at interpreting, understanding, and acting upon emotions. They are usually quite good at dealing with social or emotional conflicts, expressing their feelings, and dealing with emotional situations.

Salovey and Mayer proposed a model that identified four different factors of emotional intelligence:

1. Perceiving Emotions - the ability to detect, perceive and decipher emotions in faces, pictures, voices, body language, and cultural artifacts.
2. Using Emotions - the ability to think and cognitive activity, such as; solving problems. Emotions help prioritize what we pay attention and react to; we respond emotionally to things that garner our attention.
3. Understanding Emotions - the emotions that we perceive can carry a wide variety of meanings. if someone is expressing angry emotions, the observer must interpret the cause of their anger and what it might mean. For example, if your boss is acting angry, it might mean that he is dissatisfied with your work; or it could be because he got a speeding ticket on his way to office, or that he's been fighting with his wife.
4. Managing Emotions - the ability to manage emotions effectively, responding appropriately, both in ourselves and in others. Therefore, the emotionally intelligent person can harness emotions, even negative ones, and manage them to achieve intended goals.

According to Akers and Porter, This 5 major categories of emotional intelligence skills are equally important:

1. Self-awareness - the ability to recognize your own emotions and their effects, and sureness about your self-worth and capabilities.
2. Self-regulation - the ability to control your self-experience emotions, such as anger, anxiety or even depression. this involves self-control, trustworthiness, conscientiousness (Taking responsibility for your own performance), adaptability, and innovation.
3. Motivation - to motivate yourself for any achievement requires clear goals and a positive attitude. Motivation is made up of; Achievement drive, commitment, initiative, and optimism.
4. Empathy - the ability to recognize how people feel is more important to success in your life career. An Empathetic person excels at: Service orientation (anticipating, recognizing and meeting clients' needs), leveraging diversity, political awareness and understanding others.
5. Social Skills - includes; communication, influence, leadership, problem solving, building bonds, collaboration and cooperation, team player.

However, it's important to remember that no matter how good your score is, there's always room to improve your emotional intelligence. consider areas where you are not as strong and think of ways that you can learn and grow. take stock of your strong points and find ways to continue to develop and apply these skills.

References:
Gardner, H. (1975) "The Shattered Mind", NewYork: Knopf.

Kendra, Cherry "IQ or EQ: Which One Is More Important?". psychology.com

Michael Akers & Grover Porter. (2007). "What is Emotional Intelligence (EQ)?". Psychcentral.com

Mayer, J.D., Salovey, P., & Caruso, D. R. (2000) "Models of emotional intelligence". In R. J. Sternberg (Ed.). Handbook of intelligence (pp. 396-420). Cambridge, England: Cambridge University Press.